#12 Toxic Positivity: Why People Who Always Appear Happy Often End Up Feeling Bad

Today we’re going to talk about what happens when we never allow ourselves to feel sadness, frustration, or pain. And why “always feeling good” is not a realistic goal, but a huge trap.

Hello and welcome. My name is Karolina, and I’m so happy to welcome you to my podcast Heal Yourself.

This is a space where I share my own healing journey, together with the experiences I’ve gathered while guiding others on their paths to healing the body and the soul — so that you, too, can learn how to heal yourself.

Today, we’re going to talk about what happens when we never allow ourselves to honor sadness, frustration, or pain.
And why “always being okay” is not a realistic goal — but a huge trap.

Woody Allen once said:
“I don’t get angry. I just grow a tumor instead.”

And when I first heard that, I remember thinking: This fits perfectly.
At least for my story. For my life.

Because suppressed anger — suppressed rage — was without a doubt one of the major reasons behind my illness, behind my brain tumor. And it was something I had to face, work through, and finally release in order to truly heal.

For me, anger and negative emotions in general were a sign of weakness. Something that would take away from being “perfect.”
And even though inside I definitely didn’t feel amazing all the time — even though I carried a lot of sadness and anger — on the outside everything always looked fine. Everything was “okay.”

I rarely shared my problems with friends or even with my family.
Because I felt like it would crack that image of the perfect person. Like I would be burdening others with something they didn’t really care about anyway.
I believed my emotions didn’t matter.
And that showing anger would make me less perfect.

I actually thought this was a strength.

I was fascinated by Stoic philosophy — by the idea of the stoic person who can’t be shaken, who never gets angry, who doesn’t show emotion.

But with time, I realized something very important.

There is a huge difference between someone who is truly unaffected by external events — who genuinely doesn’t feel the need to express negative emotions — and someone who is affected, but simply doesn’t allow those emotions to come to the surface.

The first one takes enormous training. The body, brain, and mind can be trained that way.

But for most of us — and definitely for me — it was the second case.
We suppress our emotions.

I didn’t train emotional mastery.
I skipped straight to pretending I had no emotions at all.

The moment I felt even a hint of an emotion, I pushed it down as deep as possible — just so it wouldn’t be visible to the outside world.

When I decided to treat my brain tumor through an alternative path — when I returned from Nepal and things were already improving, when I was meditating and could even see on scans that the tumor was shrinking — I felt I had to go deeper.

I had to go to the root cause.

And one of those causes was my emotions.
My suppressed emotions.

I already knew they were there.
That there were volcanoes inside me waiting to erupt.

So I started focusing on one thing:
Stopping the habit of immediately covering every negative feeling with something positive.

Because that was my pattern.
If I woke up feeling bad, annoyed, or off — I would instantly jump into positive affirmations.
“Everything is fine.”
“Be grateful.”
“Others have it worse.”

I never allowed myself to feel bad.

Any negative feeling was immediately plastered over with positivity — just so it wouldn’t exist.

Over time, I began to change this.

When you’ve practiced something your entire life, the reflex doesn’t disappear overnight. But when you become aware of it — when you start noticing how you react — it can change.

So I started allowing myself to simply stay in a bad mood.
If I woke up feeling low, I let myself feel it.
I let it move through my body.

And slowly, other things began to surface.
Emotions that had nothing to do with my current life — just years and years of suppressed feelings finally coming up.

When this happens, it often feels like our reactions are completely disproportionate.
Something small happens, and we explode.

But we’re not reacting to that small thing.
By allowing a little anger, we open the door to all the anger that’s been stored inside for years.

It’s been burning quietly inside, creating chaos, creating illness.
And suddenly a tiny trigger releases an avalanche of rage or tears.

That’s exactly what started happening to me.

As I allowed myself to feel more deeply, I began experiencing very strange headaches.
The pain was around my neck and jaw, radiating upward.
It felt like someone was gripping my throat — almost choking me — a tight pressure shooting up into my head.

I had never felt anything like it before.

In psychosomatics and energy work, pain or tightness in the throat is often connected to blocked emotions — unspoken truths, suppressed expression, energy that needs to come out.

And that was exactly how I felt.

This went on for weeks.
The pressure didn’t ease — it intensified.

And of course, I started doubting myself.
Is this even right?
Why am I feeling worse?

The pain became intense. I could barely speak at times.
It felt like someone was literally holding me by the throat.

Then one day, I woke up in a terrible mood.
One of those days where everything annoys you from the very first moment.

And instead of fighting it, I told myself:
“Okay. This is how I feel today. I won’t suppress it.”

I was irritable with Vittorio — which is very unlike me.
I went for a dental X-ray and was unpleasant to the staff.

On the way home, I felt completely charged — like I was about to explode.
No real reason. Just stored anger rising.

When we arrived home, Vittorio handed me his tennis bag to carry upstairs.
The receptionist gave me several Amazon packages.
My arms were full, and it irritated me immensely — which again made no logical sense.

But I let the feeling exist.

As I tried to unlock the door, everything fell out of my hands.
And that was the trigger.

I was alone.
And I exploded.

I screamed.
I cried.
I kicked the boxes, the furniture, anything around me.

I grabbed a pillow and threw it against the wall — which, by the way, is a great way to release anger safely.

It was a full eruption.

And while it was happening, I felt an incredible sense of relief.
The pressure in my throat began to loosen — as if something that had been trapped for years was finally leaving my body.

The movement.
The shouting.
The tears.
The release of energy.

My body heated up. My head felt like it was on fire.
Exactly like the anger character in Inside Out.

The whole episode lasted about fifteen minutes.

And then — it stopped.

I felt calm.
Open.
Relieved.

Just like after a deep, long cry — but this was a deep, long anger release.

And from that moment on, the headache disappeared.
The throat tension never returned.

I knew this was a crucial moment in my healing journey.

Anger is called an “outburst” for a reason.
It is an explosion.

And if you don’t let it out, it doesn’t disappear.
It keeps exploding inside you — quietly damaging things — until it manifests as illness.

There are scientific studies showing a connection between suppressed emotions and chronic disease.
One study followed 1,400 people over ten years and found a strong correlation between suppressed anger and cancer — up to forty times higher risk.

This shows how truly toxic toxic positivity can be.

Not only for ourselves — but also for others.

When we believe feeling bad is unacceptable, we carry guilt on top of pain.
And then guilt on top of guilt.

And we pass this mindset onto others.

We tell people:
“Just choose happiness.”
“It’s all in your head.”

Those words can be deeply harmful.

When we heal this in ourselves, we can create space for others.

We can say:
“I understand why you’re angry.”
“It makes sense.”

Especially with children — letting them express emotions.
“I know we have to leave. I get why you’re upset. Go ahead — stomp your feet. Let it out.”

Telling people it’s okay to cry.
Not rushing to fix it.
Just being present.

To help you reconnect with all your emotions — and accept yourself fully — I’ve included a meditation in today’s episode.

A meditation focused on self-love and emotional acceptance.
Letting emotions move through you — so they can leave.

You’ll find the meditation in the episode description.

I wish you a day where you allow yourself to feel whatever comes.
Where you accept your day exactly as it is.

And I look forward to connecting with you again in the next episode Heal Yourself.

With love,
Karolina